sepiastars: ([paramore] bitch please)
[personal profile] sepiastars
So I sort of feel lately like I've been running myself a little ragged.  And sure, it's a little bit stressful to be so busy all the time, but MAN does it feel AWESOME.  It's not so much that I have too much to do, it's just that for so long I didn't do anything at all other than drive to work and work and drive home from work, and honestly, when I wasn't doing something work-related, I was just so tired and depressed that I'd sit around a just wallow.  And drink.  I do miss the sitting around and drinking and being creative, though.  I suppose a lot of people are more creative when they're on the brink of throwing themselves off cliffs, right?  My life used to feel so rich and yet so empty at the same time, because it was.  Both rich (inside my head) and empty (everywhere else).

Now I am rarely ever home.  I get home, watch about a hour of TV with the parents, and pass the hell out.  And wake up tired.  And do it all over again.  And it feels great.  I think it feels so great because I don't have time to stop and think and wonder and dwell and... well, you know.  I'm afraid of stopping.  I'm afraid of slowing down.  But I think I always will be.

Anyway, the point to all of this is that today I spend the whole day in front of the TV, like I haven't done in a LONG time, watching specials and documentaries on Amelia Earhart, and the New Jersey mafia, and Howard Hughes, and the Bermuda Triangle, and all kinds of things that were super-interesting.  And I surfed the internet like I haven't done in a long time, and discovered new music, and read up on New Moon and Paramore, and organized my purse and my makeup bag in front of the TV, and spread out and just got comfortable with a blanket and the fireplace.  And I bought the New Moon soundtrack and listened to it (it's very indie and chill, perfect for my mood today), and just cuddled with my dog.  It was such a great day.  But I'm glad to have things to do tomorrow, because you know what they say about too much of a good thing... I'd probably start to make myself ill and depressed if I had more than a day of this.

So tomorrow, back to the real world.  I need to buy myself a new battery for my car.  Fun.  And I have checks that MUST get deposited tomorrow.  I need to try on the clothes I bought from Old Navy yesterday to determine whether I'm going to wear them to state prelims this weekend, and if not, take them back and put the money back on my credit card (because, Hello There, my balance and interest rate are so insane that just the interest on my card this past month was over $220.  I cannot pay that shit monthly).  Which brings me to the other stuff I need to do at the bank: firstly, I absolutely must tell those bitches to close that empty savings account they have open for me (no idea WHY), because every month they charge me a $10 maintenance fee on a frigging empty account, and I've just been handing them money for months.  And secondly, I need to either call and negotiate a lower interest rate on my credit card (which is THISCLOSE to being maxed out), our speak to my financial advisor about taking out money to pay it off and then close it and start over.  Really, I need to discuss both options with my advisor, Jason, because I'm flushing money down the toilet carrying this huge balance and scrambling to pay something on it every month to save my credit score, but I also hate to take any money out of my investments because I haven't even been looking at the statements, they're so depressing.  And taking money out of my mutual fund means taking the loss I've been suffering since the bottom dropped out however long ago.  When my mom's money made it back "into the black," meaning it had come back up to the original value it had been at before the crash, he called her all excited.  I have yet to receive a phone call.  Meaning I'm still at a loss.  And I don't even want to know how much.  That money is my backup money, my in case the world ends money, the money I want to turn into milions by the time I retire.  Taking some out at 24 to pay off my credit cards is not going to turn it into a million dollars.

Anyway.  Lovely day today.  Love the crisp, Autumn weather.  Love the fireplace.  Love the History Channel.
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