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I had a really awful day yesterday. And I don't really want to think about it anymore, I just want to try and move forward, figure out what comes next (although I may break down and vent later today, we all know how I am). So with that in mind, New Moon comes out on Friday! Yay! I'm not going to see it immediately, because I didn't like tweens and teens when I was one (so I certainly don't want to be around more than a handful now), but I still feel like a celebration is in order! So...

In honor of New Moon, I come bearing not just one, but two new fanmixes (kinda). If anyone downloaded my previous fanmix, Cautioners, you will find some songs that overlap. But it's been so long since I posted that one, that I figured most people downloading the new ones wouldn't have Cautioners. And anyway, the only thing about Cautioners that I was really satisfied with was the artwork (I knew that putting a Jessica Andrews song on it was a mistake, one which has been rectified here). The only thing I wish about these two mixes is that I could make playlists of 50 songs. But I figured I could always make additional volumes! :)

So here, in honor of New Moon, are two mixes - one for Bella, and one for Jacob.

And for those of you who know that I am not an E/J shipper - I'm working on one for Edward too. It's just not finished yet.

+ Please comment if you like, it's always nice to have encouragement :)
+ Please feel free to ask me if you'd like an individual song uploaded. I'm happy to help save space on your harddrive.
+ Again, PLEASE remember that there are a lot of overlaps with both these mixes and my previous mix, Cautioners. You don't need to download all of them - just let me know which songs you want and I'm happy to give them to you. Don't get mad that I copied myself... I just think these are better than Cautioners. Except for the artwork.
+ Thanks!

Heart & Shoulder: a bella fanmix

Most of these songs are about Bella's emotional state when Edward leaves her, but I think some of them say some really interesting things about her relationships with both Edward and Jacob. Enjoy!

Click here for zip file.

1) "Heart and Shoulder" by Heather Nova
"And it's hard watching
'Cause I'm part of you
And it's hard not to
Not to know what I can do
I'm powerless to change your world
I'm powerless to stop the hurt
I'm trying hard to be your tower of strength..."

Bella and Edward have an interesting dichotomy - physically, he's unbreakable, but emotionally he's easily swayed and insecure. Bella is clumsy and fragile, but on the inside, she's tough as nails and can support them both. This song makes me think of her dealing with all his angsting ;)

2) "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy
"I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?"

The first time I read New Moon, my iPod shuffled to this song as I was reading the breakup scene and the scene where Sam finds Bella in the forest, so I'll forever associate it with that, and obviously with her angsting afterward.

3) "Not As We" by Alanis Morissette
"Reborn and shivering,
Spat out on new terrain
Unsure, unconvincing
This faint and shaky hour...
Day one, day one,
Start over again
Step one, step one,
I'm barely making sense
For now I'm faking it
'Til I'm psuedo-making it
From scratch begin again,
But this time I as 'I'
And not as 'we'..."

This is kind of my favorite breakup song ever, and I love how the imagery fits so well with Bella's literal feelings. My ipod shuffled to this song when Charlie confronts Bella about how absent she's been since Edward left her and convinces her to rejoin the world.

4) "Honestly OK" by Dido
"I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my world
But I'm so lonely I don't even want to be myself anymore..."

The lyrics obviously fit well with the months Bella pined for Edward, before she started hanging out with Jacob, but I really love the music for that period too. It's etherial, really sounds like we're inside her head.

5) "All At Sea" by Richard Walters
"And all the lights went out in empty rooms
and now the empty hall
I talk alone, I talk now
And all I wanted was a chance to see you anyway
hold me, fold me up in your arms
faster, my love, sinking and gone
Hold me, my love
Telling me don't be afraid
Wouldn't you want me to swim
Wouldn't you want me to stay?"

This is the cliff-diving song for me (yes, my iPod randomly picked this one too). I really love the water imagery and the line about a chance to see him.

6) "9 Crimes" by Damien Rice
"Leave me out with the waste this is not what I do
it's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you
it's the wrong time for somebody new
it's a small crime and I've got no excuse
and is that all right yeah?
I give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright yeah?
if you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it?"

This is one of my top 5 favorite songs of all time. This is the song that plays in my head during the scene in New Moon when Jacob and Bella almost kiss, and Jacob answers the phone and sets everything into motion. Bella feels drawn to him, but at the same time still feels like she's bound to Edward, and feels like she's doing wrong by both of them by becoming involved with Jacob. I think the part about the loaded gun is an analogy for her heart - her gun is loaded, meaning her heart is already full for someone else, and she can't bear it. If Edward won't use it, how is she supposed to manage its weight?

7) "Not The Spotlight" by Beth Orton
"Sometimes I try to tell myself,
The light was never real,
Just a fantasy that used to be,
The way I used to feel,
But you and I know better,
Even though it's been so long,
Now if your memory really serves you well,
You'll never tell me no wrong..."

This makes me think of Bella's epiphany, after she and Edward return from Italy.

8) "Moon and Moon" by Bat For Lashes
"Lover, when you don't lay with me
I'm a huntress for a husband lost at sea..."

I enjoy the analogy of a love lost against a husband lost at sea. When Edward is gone and Bella believes he doesn't love her, he's lost to her. The piano also sounds like waves to me, which makes me think of the cliff-diving and drowning parts.

9) "Here With Me" by Dido
"I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me..."

What makes me associate this song with New Moon is the 'I won't leave,' which reminds me of Charlie telling Alice about when he and Renee were going to send Bella to Jacksonville and she threw a tantrum. Also, this is an epic love song, and was the theme song for the TV show 'Roswell,' which was one of my favorites, and about an impossible and epic love between an angsty alien and the human girl whose life he saved (sound familiar at all?). It's a great theme for Edward and Bella.

10) "Leave Me Here" by Hem
"I should wake up this town
my heart's on fire
main road and no one's around
as the flames climb higher
I have been here before
and I know the way...
cause tonight he brought me to heaven
and left me here..."

I had a really hard time picking a selection of lyrics in this song because the whole thing fit so well. It's Bella's nightmares of nothingness, and the physical pain in her body, the hole in her chest.

11) "Sway" by The Perishers
"It was you who picked
the pieces up
When I was a broken soul
And then glued me
back together
Returned to me what
others stole
I don't wanna hurt you
I don't wanna make you sway
Like I know I've done before
I will not do it anymore..."

Bella is deciding to love Jacob for all the good he's done her and because he loves her so much, and because of the guilt for the pain she causes him.

12) "All I Wanted" by Paramore
"I think I'll pace my apartment a few times
And fall asleep on the couch
And wake up early to black and white reruns
That escape from my mouth
All I wanted was you..."

Bella's monotonous and empty life after Edward leaves her.

Think Twice: a jacob fanmix

So most of these songs are songs about pairs of best friends where one is in love with the other. I've included a little bit of explanation with the tracks that remind me about a specific part of the series or might not have a clear meaning :)

Click here for a zip file.

1) "Lies" by The Black Keys
"I've got a stone where my heart should be,
I've got a stone where my heart should be,
and nothing I do can make you love me..."

2) "Think Twice" by Eve6
"When all is said and done and dead
does he love you the way that I do?
I can't let go I can't get out
I said enough, enough right now
I can't let go, I can't get out...
Wait till the day you finally see
I've been here waiting patiently
Crossing my fingers and my T's,
You cried on my shoulder begging please...
What is it you really want? I'm tired of asking!
When I showed up and he was there
I tried my best to grin and bear
Think twice 'fore you touch my girl,
come around I'll let you feel the burn..."

Jacob can't understand why Bella goes back to Edward even after he broke her, especially when he was the one to kept her sane. But he's still protective of her and wants Edward to know that he'll kill him if anything ever happens to Bella again, regardless of who she's chosen to be with

3) "Wise Up" by Aimee Mann
"It's not
What you thought
When you first began it
You got
What you want
Now you can hardly stand it though,
By now you know
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up..."

When Jacob first fell for Bella, he was just a kid and she was just a clumsy girl and there were no vampires or werewolves, just stories. There was no one in their relationship but the two of them. Now he's in pain and he can't just stop loving her, but he wishes he could just wise up and move on, leave her to the life she's chosen with the Cullens.

4) "A Day Late" by Anberlin
"Can't help but entertain these thoughts
Thoughts of us together
We are who we were when
could have been lovers
But at least you're still my day-late friend..."

This makes me think of the place in New Moon when Bella is realizing that she and Jacob might have been meant to be together in a world where vampires and werewolves don't exist, and I think Jake thinks this too. He knows that if Edward Cullen didn't exist, he and Bella would have had the perfect life together.

5) "If It Kills Me" by Jason Mraz
"'Cause you and I, we go carrying on for hours on end
We get along much better than you and your boyfriend...
Well all I really want to do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still cant say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me,
If it kills me..."

6) "23" by Jimmy Eat World
"I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you
You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here, I'm now, I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine..."

7) "False Alarm" by KT Tunstall
"I'm trying to put this thing to bed
I drugged it in it's sleep
There isn't many memories I'm comfortable to keep
This ball keeps rolling on
It's heading for the street
Keep expecting you to send for me
The invitation never comes..."

How Jacob feels after Bella and Edward return from Italy, and he believes Edward is keeping her from coming to La Push to see him. He's trying so hard to stop caring for her, but he can't extricate himself from the situation.

8) "Breathe" by Melissa Etheridge >
"I played the fool today
I just dream of vanishing into the crowd
Longing for home again
Home, is a feeling I buried in you
I'm all right, I'm all right
It only hurts when I breathe..."

9) "Made to Last" by Semisonic
"Beautiful one
Asleep in the sun
Secret, sweet & sublime
I hope you last a long, long time..."

This is actually a really great love song about being happy with what you have and grateful for the simple things in life... I think of it as another version of Jacob wishing vampires had never come into his life, and he and Bella were just the normal kids they were when they met. Okay, I know it's a stretch, but I really love this song for him ;)

10) "What Makes A Man?" by City and Colour
"Now I'm runnin' for my life
What makes a man walk away from his mind?
I think I know
I think I might know..."

Jacob living as a wolf rather than a man after Bella marries Edward.

11) "Just Tonight" by Jimmy Eat World
"We'll never be the same
Never feel this way again
I'd give you anything, but you want pain
A little water please
I taste you all over my teeth
Never again!
Just tonight?

Jacob's frustration with the fact that he wants to forget about Bella, he doesn't want to keep letting her drag his heart around, but he can't stop himself from allowing her to.

12) "Chemistry of a Car Crash" by Shiny Toy Guns
"Just take away the words I say
'cause I know that you don't feel the same
Just go and say what's in your head
And I won't try and stop you...
What is the use of it?
We're okay, it's nothing :)
It's all chemistry of a car crash..."