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naming the cat
Apr. 17th, 2006 06:12 pmPatty, you should probably skip this entry.
I'm so afraid of graduating. I know, who isn't, but I'm so scared that I won't make it. It? What's it, how can you not make it? I don't know. All I know is that I'm looking for the place where the rest of my life is going to be - have been looking for a couple years now - and the fact that my exit from college is drawing so near really scares the hell out of me because I have no real plan. If my little general plan doesn't work out, what am I going to do with my life? What if I don't get married before I'm 30? I'm sure the salary I'm hoping I'll get at NCA isn't going to be enough to support me, or the life I want to lead. What if I fall in love with someone who can't support me? What if I have to be a working mom? I don't want to be a working mom. That's not how I wanted it to be.
I keep moving around, looking for the right place. I guess what I'm looking for is peace, as cliche as that sounds. Like in "Boys on the Side," when they get to Tucson, and the three of them are all living in this big house, all safe and warm and dry; isolated, wide-open, but you don't ever feel like you're all alone. There's this song by Tori Amos that I love to listen to when I'm feeling particularly lost... it's got this western-sounding bridge section, and the way it makes me feel when I hear it... The truth is that going out west, to Texas or California, is partially appealing to me because I hope I can find a place that makes me feel the way that song makes me feel.
Just had a Holly Golightly moment, didn't I? "If I could find a real place that felt like Tiffany's... why I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!"
I'm so afraid of graduating. I know, who isn't, but I'm so scared that I won't make it. It? What's it, how can you not make it? I don't know. All I know is that I'm looking for the place where the rest of my life is going to be - have been looking for a couple years now - and the fact that my exit from college is drawing so near really scares the hell out of me because I have no real plan. If my little general plan doesn't work out, what am I going to do with my life? What if I don't get married before I'm 30? I'm sure the salary I'm hoping I'll get at NCA isn't going to be enough to support me, or the life I want to lead. What if I fall in love with someone who can't support me? What if I have to be a working mom? I don't want to be a working mom. That's not how I wanted it to be.
I keep moving around, looking for the right place. I guess what I'm looking for is peace, as cliche as that sounds. Like in "Boys on the Side," when they get to Tucson, and the three of them are all living in this big house, all safe and warm and dry; isolated, wide-open, but you don't ever feel like you're all alone. There's this song by Tori Amos that I love to listen to when I'm feeling particularly lost... it's got this western-sounding bridge section, and the way it makes me feel when I hear it... The truth is that going out west, to Texas or California, is partially appealing to me because I hope I can find a place that makes me feel the way that song makes me feel.
Just had a Holly Golightly moment, didn't I? "If I could find a real place that felt like Tiffany's... why I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!"
