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...sort of. Since this is both a personal and graphics journal, most entries with the 'personal' tag are locked, and graphics/resource entries are open for everyone. If you're interested in my personal life, feel free to comment to this entry and I'll grant you access. Otherwise, just subscribe to watch my journal for graphic updates. If you just want to subscribe and aren't interested in my personal posts, that's totally cool with me, but please don't comment and ask to be added because you think the special graphics are f-locked... they aren't. Anyone who was already friended before this entry (9/27/07) is still friended - so unless you don't want to be included in my personal entries, you don't have to comment to stay added ^.^

Current Mood: awake
Current Location: at home
Current Music: Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

Into The Wild isn't the most moving movie I've ever seen, but it's definitely in the top 5.

Movies that also ripped my heart out are Speak, The Virgin Suicides, Ned Kelly, and Thelma & Louise. All of these films should be on everyone's list of required viewing.

The actual story behind Into The Wild is heartbreaking. Also Ned Kelly. It breaks my heart that it's true.

I'm such a movie-crier. Of course I bawled my eyes out when Emile Hirsch dies. These days, I cry in almost every movie I see. Strong emotions just MOVE me. I saw Avatar today, and I got a little misty then, too. I just cry, okay? I'm a crier. But only when watching movies.

Current Mood: sad

I had a really awful day yesterday. And I don't really want to think about it anymore, I just want to try and move forward, figure out what comes next (although I may break down and vent later today, we all know how I am). So with that in mind, New Moon comes out on Friday! Yay! I'm not going to see it immediately, because I didn't like tweens and teens when I was one (so I certainly don't want to be around more than a handful now), but I still feel like a celebration is in order! So...

In honor of New Moon, I come bearing not just one, but two new fanmixes (kinda). If anyone downloaded my previous fanmix, Cautioners, you will find some songs that overlap. But it's been so long since I posted that one, that I figured most people downloading the new ones wouldn't have Cautioners. And anyway, the only thing about Cautioners that I was really satisfied with was the artwork (I knew that putting a Jessica Andrews song on it was a mistake, one which has been rectified here). The only thing I wish about these two mixes is that I could make playlists of 50 songs. But I figured I could always make additional volumes! :)

So here, in honor of New Moon, are two mixes - one for Bella, and one for Jacob.

And for those of you who know that I am not an E/J shipper - I'm working on one for Edward too. It's just not finished yet.

( wouldn't you want me to swim? )

Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: Flint (For The Unemployed and the Underpaid) by Sufjan Stevens

I thought it was high time I posted something that wasn't angsty, so here it is. I spent my weekend not doing things I needed to do, but playing around in photoshop and messing with stock images and stuff from we heart it. So here are a few doodads I made that really serve no purpose whatsoever. There are 5 total behind the cut with credits to the song lyrics I used.

( her secrets still like songs i never learned )

Current Music: Passing Afternoon by Iron and Wine

So I sort of feel lately like I've been running myself a little ragged. And sure, it's a little bit stressful to be so busy all the time, but MAN does it feel AWESOME. It's not so much that I have too much to do, it's just that for so long I didn't do anything at all other than drive to work and work and drive home from work, and honestly, when I wasn't doing something work-related, I was just so tired and depressed that I'd sit around a just wallow. And drink. I do miss the sitting around and drinking and being creative, though. I suppose a lot of people are more creative when they're on the brink of throwing themselves off cliffs, right? My life used to feel so rich and yet so empty at the same time, because it was. Both rich (inside my head) and empty (everywhere else).

Now I am rarely ever home. I get home, watch about a hour of TV with the parents, and pass the hell out. And wake up tired. And do it all over again. And it feels great. I think it feels so great because I don't have time to stop and think and wonder and dwell and... well, you know. I'm afraid of stopping. I'm afraid of slowing down. But I think I always will be.

Anyway, the point to all of this is that today I spend the whole day in front of the TV, like I haven't done in a LONG time, watching specials and documentaries on Amelia Earhart, and the New Jersey mafia, and Howard Hughes, and the Bermuda Triangle, and all kinds of things that were super-interesting. And I surfed the internet like I haven't done in a long time, and discovered new music, and read up on New Moon and Paramore, and organized my purse and my makeup bag in front of the TV, and spread out and just got comfortable with a blanket and the fireplace. And I bought the New Moon soundtrack and listened to it (it's very indie and chill, perfect for my mood today), and just cuddled with my dog. It was such a great day. But I'm glad to have things to do tomorrow, because you know what they say about too much of a good thing... I'd probably start to make myself ill and depressed if I had more than a day of this.

So tomorrow, back to the real world. I need to buy myself a new battery for my car. Fun. And I have checks that MUST get deposited tomorrow. I need to try on the clothes I bought from Old Navy yesterday to determine whether I'm going to wear them to state prelims this weekend, and if not, take them back and put the money back on my credit card (because, Hello There, my balance and interest rate are so insane that just the interest on my card this past month was over $220. I cannot pay that shit monthly). Which brings me to the other stuff I need to do at the bank: firstly, I absolutely must tell those bitches to close that empty savings account they have open for me (no idea WHY), because every month they charge me a $10 maintenance fee on a frigging empty account, and I've just been handing them money for months. And secondly, I need to either call and negotiate a lower interest rate on my credit card (which is THISCLOSE to being maxed out), our speak to my financial advisor about taking out money to pay it off and then close it and start over. Really, I need to discuss both options with my advisor, Jason, because I'm flushing money down the toilet carrying this huge balance and scrambling to pay something on it every month to save my credit score, but I also hate to take any money out of my investments because I haven't even been looking at the statements, they're so depressing. And taking money out of my mutual fund means taking the loss I've been suffering since the bottom dropped out however long ago. When my mom's money made it back "into the black," meaning it had come back up to the original value it had been at before the crash, he called her all excited. I have yet to receive a phone call. Meaning I'm still at a loss. And I don't even want to know how much. That money is my backup money, my in case the world ends money, the money I want to turn into milions by the time I retire. Taking some out at 24 to pay off my credit cards is not going to turn it into a million dollars.

Anyway. Lovely day today. Love the crisp, Autumn weather. Love the fireplace. Love the History Channel.

Current Music: Brothers on a Hotel Bed by Death Cab for Cutie

Three or four days ago, I went to take a shower, and there was this teeny tiny little spider hanging out in the corner of the tub. He didn't have a web or anything, he was just hanging onto the side for dear life. And I felt kinda bad for him, so I used my loofa to relocate him to the corner, and went on about my business.

And each morning, when I go into my bathroom, before I start the shower, I check to make sure he isn't somewhere that he'll get knocked down and drown. And he's been there, somewhere in my bathtub. I've come to think of him as Edgar, and some days I have to relocate him so that he doesn't fall in. He's just too cute to kill, and after I've saved him several days, I feel like squishing or flushing him now would be cruel.

So I have a pet spider named Edgar who lives in my shower.

So at the end of last week, we were talking at work about ghosts. We live in an old city with old houses, so there are lots of ghost stories. And Ruth and I are also working on a ghost-y podcast tour thing, so it's relevant and timely. Ruth told us about some strange things that happened at her house on Ridge Avenue, which runs right parallel to Vineville in the midtown area (which happens to be my favorite part of town). Tucker told me the other day that the cute, teeny little house across the street from her has been vacant for almost 2 years and is in foreclosure, and if I want to buy something I should look into it, and as I was on the way there, I crossed Ridge Avenue, which made me remember Ruth's story. I mentioned it to my mom.

As a side note, I really had an affection for the house - it looks like someone loved it once upon a time. It really needs some work, but it's cute. If I could get a bargain on it, I'd be all about it because I love Vista Circle and midtown.

Anyway, the ghost-y things must have been bouncing around my head, because I was awakened last night by something strange. I've been sleeping alone at Sue and Ron's since Wednesday, and last night was my final night there. I had had a hard time falling asleep, was probably tossing and turning until at least 1 or 1:30, and I felt like I had just gotten into a nice, deep sleep when I heard a sort of thud. It woke Tess up too, and we both sat up and looked at the closed door. I started wondering if someone was in the house, but I knew I had set the security system before bed, and I had tested the motion sensors yesterday (to see if I could leave Tess out during the day instead of closing her up upstairs) and found that the bottom of the stairs was a sensitive spot. I started to think that it sounded like someone had come up the stairs and, in the dark, kicked the little cabinet Sue had left on the landing there. But then I realized that I had left the upstairs hall light on, so someone coming up the stairs would have seen and avoided it. Then I started thinking that maybe something had fallen off of a wall, so I got up and opened the door, and checked the whole house, and didn't see anything out of the ordinary. But I was too freaked out to go back to sleep (and it would have taken my the rest of the day anyway).

Maybe it was a Shirley Hills ghost? Spooky ;)

Current Location: the CVB

One day, I'm going to write my memoirs, and everyone will be surprised. I feel like, even the people who know will be surprised, you know? It's not that I intentionally keep things from people... I think it's a defense mechanism. I don't feel vulnerable if no one knows everything about everything. Even the big things - I just don't tell people everything. Actually, I told Aaron most of it, but I seriously doubt he committed any of it to memory, or even remembers much of the things I told him. It's just as well. Probably better, actually.

Kids have competition this weekend at Walton High in Marietta, and they're competing against 5 other coed, North Georgia teams. We're not sure what any of them look like currently, but I'm worried. They weren't terribly impressive at practice today. I hate for them to go somewhere and not look good, but it annoys me that they hurt their reputation for being good (state champions!), which is also OUR reputation. We busted our asses to build that reputation; we built it on our own blood, sweat and tears (literally). I injured my back and both my ankles, and they still hurt to this day, to build that reputation and that legacy. We built that gym as if we had done it with our own hands, and they take it for granted. It doesn't mean anything at all to them. Falling out of stunts or busting their passes doesn't mean a lot to them, but it means a ton to me, because that's not how people will remember that one particular person who started pulling too soon or too late, but that's how they'll remember Jones County Coed. They'll remember that we dropped a bow at Sectionals or that we were the only team in our division who didn't have any fulls at State. And that blankets anyone who's ever been on the team, or ever will be. And I can't really blame them - I didn't think of it that way when I was there either. But I guess being older and wiser... it means more to me.

Anyway. I've found so many pretty things lately at weheartit. Check out some things that I heart!

First competition, our own invitational, was yesterday, and the kids did awesome! They showed out like they have never done at practice.
( I'm really going to miss these uniforms after the Board makes us phase them out. )

Let's be honest. My feelings are a little bit hurt that Julio hasn't been responding to my texts or facebook messages for a while now. Not that he was ever really good at that sort of thing... and I know why he's doing it. He thinks I'm never coming back and he's just trying to make it easier on both of us. He's good at that sort of thing. But I don't plan on never coming back. I don't have a plan. It's all still up in the air. And I miss him. I miss Food Network until all hours of the morning and Spanish wine and the way our apartment used to smell, and how you could smell the ocean when you opened the front door. And how we could play music as loud as we wanted to because there wasn't anyone else in the building. And how he could just tell when I was having one of my days, so he's fix me a drink and ask me about it, because he knew I wouldn't talk about it I weren't buzzed. And how he loved my dog so much. I miss dragging him out of bed early (read: before noon) to go to Schmagel's Bagels because I know he loves bagels. I miss driving up to the restaurant and hanging out with Norberto, Simon and Cristina in the kitchen when I was lonely. I miss the beach at nighttime and the cute little college kids who used to work for me, and I miss having a good relationship with my sister.

I miss how when I was already in bed when he got home, he and his friends would have their Heinekens on the porch so they wouldn't bother me. And how he was so protective because he knew about all of my neuroticisms. And how he always took the trash out. And how he kept asking how my book was coming and what I was writing about, even though it was something he was 100% not interested in.

I don't like it when things change. That's me being really honest.

Current Music: My Sundown by Jimmy Eat World

Who's irrationally psyched for New Moon?

This girl, that's who. Can't wait.

And speaking of vampires, I don't have HBO, but I have heard great things about True Blood, so I thought I'd watch a few clips on YouTube, and I have to say - the acting looks pretty good. But I don't really get the premise. And I think the vampire needs to be way hotter than he is. Just saying.

It may be better than Twilight in many, many ways, like being more appropriate for grown-ups than tweens, but I'm not changing sides. I'm all for the series with the attractive vampires.

Speaking of the fact that I'm a design whore, I bought the 'Because I Said So' DVD about a month ago and fell in absolute love with the red velvet couch in Millie's loft. I was off of blogging at that time (what was I thinking?!?), so I didn't squee about it here, but today I check out Desire to Inspire, an awesome interior design blog, and right on the first page is a photo with one of the couches I found that closely resembles the red velvet one. This one, in all its glory and perfection, is in a rich, brown leather. How gorgeous is this couch? And more importantly, how gorgeous would it look with all my stuff from my last post? Perfect. I need this couch. I don't care how many thousands of dollars it is. I must have it.

Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: Warm Whispers by Missy Higgins

The fact that I'm in love with the movie Practical Magic is no secret. I love love LOVE it. And I also love weheartit.com. I love to pick out images I generally like and then try to make graphics with them, but as much as that, I love to find home or decor ideas I like and save them, and then print them out and put them in my wish book. Sadly, my physical wish book has been packed and missing since my move to my parents' house, but I have been saving and preparing all kinds of things to be placed in it as soon as it is recovered.

Since I haven't had it to place items I like in it immediately, I have been saving all these photos in one huge file on my computer, and seeing them all sitting next to one another instead of on their own individual pages made me realize something - everything I love resembles the set design from Practical Magic. I definitely have a style. And then, Mom and I went to an antique mall and I fell in love with this gold, drippy Victorian mirror that I would have thought was too ornate for me... but would fit beautifully in the Practical Magic parlor.

And that's where it started. Since then, my eyes have been open to all kinds of things that I love and have collected for my future house, and I can't wait to have it so I can put all my beautiful things in it! And I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the Visa company, for fronting me the money for all of this stuff, since they're not gonna see it back until I can become gainfully employed. So thanks ;)

( click the cut for my collection and inspiration photos )

Number One:

Should anyone happen to be secretly in love with me, or know someone who is, that man's chances of winning me over are greatly improved by following these simple directions:

Buy me flowers. For no reason. BUT (and this is a big but), do not buy me roses. Pretty much ever, even for Valentine's Day or if you screw up. Do something more creative! Like sunflowers. Or zinnias. Or mums. Or peonies. Or poppies. Roses are cliche and can be picked up with no thought from anywhere. They simply are not impressive. Do something impressive.
Do something creative with one of these two songs: Fade Into You by Mazzy Star or Crazy by Aerosmith. These are my two favorite romantic songs ever. A word of advice: do not branch out and attempt to use another romantic song. I think 99.99999% of love songs are cheesy and I will cringe. If you think you're smooth enough... go ahead. But the going will be TOUGH.
Buy me something sweet from this Etsy store. I love practically everything in it.

Number Two:

This is my list. My Before I Die list, I suppose. I dunno, just my list.

Learn to pick a lock
Learn to hotwire a car
Learn to kayak
Spend an anonymous summer in a foreign country

More to come soon.

Also, I can't stop listening to That's Not My Name and Great DJ by The Ting Tings and it's a little embarrassing.

Current Music: That's Not My Name by The Ting Tings

The internet is boring right now, and just when I find someone interesting to stalk on Facebook, Facebook starts acting all weird and won't load anymore. Actually, it's been weird all day. I've been trying to upload some photos to one of my existing albums, and every time I click the 'add more photos' link, it freezes my browser. Obnoxious.

I'm just going to go to bed out of sheer boredom.

Also, I currently really really really love my internship, but I really wish it was a paying job. I would really hate to leave it to take a paying job and have less fun.