let's be honest.

Let's be honest.  My feelings are a little bit hurt that Julio hasn't been responding to my texts or facebook messages for a while now.  Not that he was ever really good at that sort of thing... and I know why he's doing it.  He thinks I'm never coming back and he's just trying to make it easier on both of us.  He's good at that sort of thing.  But I don't plan on never coming back.  I don't have a plan.  It's all still up in the air.  And I miss him.  I miss Food Network until all hours of the morning and Spanish wine and the way our apartment used to smell, and how you could smell the ocean when you opened the front door.  And how we could play music as loud as we wanted to because there wasn't anyone else in the building.  And how he could just tell when I was having one of my days, so he's fix me a drink and ask me about it, because he knew I wouldn't talk about it I weren't buzzed.  And how he loved my dog so much.  I miss dragging him out of bed early (read: before noon) to go to Schmagel's Bagels because I know he loves bagels.  I miss driving up to the restaurant and hanging out with Norberto, Simon and Cristina in the kitchen when I was lonely.  I miss the beach at nighttime and the cute little college kids who used to work for me, and I miss having a good relationship with my sister. 

I miss how when I was already in bed when he got home, he and his friends would have their Heinekens on the porch so they wouldn't bother me.  And how he was so protective because he knew about all of my neuroticisms.  And how he always took the trash out.  And how he kept asking how my book was coming and what I was writing about, even though it was something he was 100% not interested in.

I don't like it when things change.  That's me being really honest.