Quick Update

[sepiastars]

So I'm okay right now.  Grandpa says something that makes me cry several times every day, but by and large, I'm all right.  I really appreciate all the people who have called, posted, commented, etc with condolences and everything - thanks to all of you, I'm sure I'll be fine when it's all over.  It's just so hard right now, because both he and the rest of us know that every day he's worse.  I mean, we've known he's had cancer for 10 days now, and he's already so bad that he can barely get out of bed.  He eats next to nothing, and throws half of it up.  As more fluid builds in his stomach, he eats and drinks even less.  And he's sleeping more and more, which is a sign of descent.

We can't decide whether we want to have a visitation or not.  Aunt Bette says that we need to give people the opportunity to pay their respects, but Mom and I know that the two of us will just sit and cry ourselves sick, and that's no fun.  Grandpa wouldn't want that.  I told him I wanted to cancel to schedule for the summer and he absolutely refused.  He would not let me.  He certainly wouldn't want me or anyone sitting in a pew staring at a casket for several hours.  It might kill me, and I'm not kidding.

Today, Amy and I helped him into his bed for a nap, and he took my arm, choked up and said, "I'm sorry I won't be at your wedding."  Of course I couldn't help but break down too.  He remembered that once (more than once, actually) I had told him that I would be brokenhearted if he didn't live long enough to see me get married.  At that time, he had said something about getting ready to die so I'd better get cracking, but it was all in good fun then.  He's been saying he was going to die any day now for just about as long as I can remember.  But now he really is going to die any day now.  It really broke my heart that I had said that once and he remembered it now.  I told him that I'd look for him there anyway, and he said he'd still be there.  So, many many years from now, if anyone reading this is at my wedding, everyone look for a sign of the paranormal.  Because my Grandpa promised he'd be there, and he's never broken a promise to me. 

Comments

[plushmistress.livejournal.com]

Summer, I'm totally going to be at your wedding, chilling in the middle somewhere with your grandpa.

And reading that almost made me cry, so GAWD I know it must have affected you. I wish we were closer together so I could come and hang out with you, and make a failing attempt at making you feel better. Athens is only a short way away, and I'll take you roller skating.

I love you, hon.

[michelled85.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry about everything. I never got to know one of my Grandpas and the other one died of cancer when I was in the 3rd grade. At least you get to spend time with him even though it breaks your heart. I never got to say goodbye to my Grandpa Daniel before he died. They didn't really tell me what was going on at the time. I have always hated visitations. I always cry, but they usually help me realize they are gone at least in body. I have found that when I don't go to a visitation or funeral, it makes it harder for my heart and mind to accept the death. I'm sure he will be at your wedding and you will feel him there. You and your family are in my prayers. May the Goddess help you through this hard time. I'm sending you lots of hugs.