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So the roommates and I are on this crazy diet this week. It's the new cabbage soup diet, where you eat the soup, but you also get certain things each day. Day one was fruit, day two was veggies, day 3 was both, and yesterday (oh, yesterday...) yesterday was bananas and skim milk. And my extreme dislike for bananas hindered me in that regard, but I still didn't cheat. I have a massive sugar craving though. I'm burning a pumpkin pie scented tart right now and it's just killing me, but it's better than nothing at all. Today, I get as much soup as I want, 20 total ounces of beef and up to 6 fresh tomatoes/one can of tomatoes. I've had a bowl of soup. I suppose I'll take another one for between my classes, but I don't do raw tomatoes (apparently I'm too picky). So I'm going to be hungry for most of the day. And not hungry like, 'I want something to eat,' but hungry like 'All I've had in the past 4 days is enough fruits and vegetables to get by and 3 glasses of skim milk.' I'm supposed to lose 10 to 17 pounds. Well I'm only counting on 5. But I'm hoping that I'm dropping something, because I'd kill for a milkshake right now.
Or some flatbread from Crispers.
Or anything from Crispers.
I'd eat almost anything, now that I think of it.
Except bananas. Or raw tomatoes.
Or some flatbread from Crispers.
Or anything from Crispers.
I'd eat almost anything, now that I think of it.
Except bananas. Or raw tomatoes.
i dyed my hair
Aug. 14th, 2006 09:14 pmOr to be more precise, Patty dyed my hair. I was tired of being a blonde, so we dyed it brown. I was going for Reese Witherspoon in 'Walk the Line,' but I was so effing blonde that it turned out kind of reddish, which annoyed me at first, but now I've made peace with it, and I like it. Pictures will come. Eventually.
In other news: So psyched that September is almost here! On the 15th, season one of Supernatural comes out on DVD, and on the 28th, season two begins on the CW! Let the countdown begin!
In other news: So psyched that September is almost here! On the 15th, season one of Supernatural comes out on DVD, and on the 28th, season two begins on the CW! Let the countdown begin!
I'm a Mommy!
Jun. 24th, 2006 05:16 pmYesterday was my birthday, so I'm legal now. It actually snuck up on me, I forgot all about it until about Tuesday.
We're keeping the puppy! When I saw her, she was such a bright orangy-red that I decided she had to be called Pumpkin instead of Cricket, because she's the color of pumpkin pie. And she's beautiful. For some reason, her beautiful face doesn't come off as beautiful in pictures, but she's still gorgeous. Tons of people have commented on her color - apparently it's rare for a poodle to be so red. But she's as sweet as she can be (as sweet as pie, lol). And smart too. And mostly house-broken, which is nice. Here's a picture:
It looks dark on my monitor, but I think everything looks dark on my parents' computer, so let me know whether you can see it okay.
Also, thank you all so much for being so supportive. I really appreciate you. Tori, you're such an amazing friend. I wish we were in a position to hang out more often (because it's been like, eons!). Heart you. Thanks for being there for me ^.^
(no subject)
Jun. 12th, 2006 07:41 pmSo some people don't seem to understand why this is so hard for me. He was just so important to me. He loved me like no one else did - I was perfect in his eyes. We were so close. I can't believe how fast this happened... I can't believe he's really not here any more. I can't imagine a world that doesn't include my Grandpa. It's kind of like losing a limb. It's losing something that you've always had there, whether you used it or not, and maybe took a little for granted.
Anyway. I'll be okay. I was really dreading telling him that I'm planning on moving to Texas after I graduate - when he asked me what I was going to do, I told him I didn't know. But now I don't have to tell him that I'm leaving him, and I'm grateful for that. I'll be going home to St. Augustine tomorrow. Home to sleep in my own bed and burn my candles and just have some away-from-all-the-people time. I just got my Photoshop in the mail and I want to spend some quality time learning how to use it, just me and my trusty PC. Things are going to be fine. I feel like I haven't slept in a week, though, and all I've done is EAT. I really think I've gained 10 pounds. Everyone keeps bringing food over, and while we were in Pensacola for the funeral, we ate out at every meal, so I really overdid it. I have felt totally full for about 3 days.
My sister's birth mother has a toy poodle puppy she's trying to get rid of, and Maria offered it to me. I'd really like to take her, but I have to clear it with my roommates first, especially since our lease is up at the end of August, so we're looking for a new place to live, and pet-friendly places are kind of hard to find. We'll just have to see. I really want her, but I want to respect my friends as well. I know it's sort of a lot to ask. I haven't seen her yet, but Maria says she's 6-months old, a pretty apricot color with honey-colored eyes, and about 3 pounds. I think I want to name her Cricket if I can keep her ^.^ Anyone else have a good suggestion?
He's been in bed all day today, in and out of sleep. But he's eaten pretty well, considering.
Yesterday we had a huge disaster at the hospital. I'm too tired to go into details at the moment, but suffice to say that people in general are blindingly incompetent; they performed the wrong procedure, and then almost killed him with twice as much insulin as he should have taken if he had been eating in the past four days. Let me tell you, you don't want to be the surgeon who fucked up and walk into a room with me, my cousin and my mother with a smug look on your face where my Grandfather in concerned.
One thing you have to know about my Grandpa is he's pretty skeptical about the afterlife - he's said several times that the only place he thinks he's going is to Whitmire Cemetary. Of course, Mom and I believe in some form of the afterlife, so we've been describing how we think it will be to him, and also how we think it won't be, and Mom's been asking if he's seen any angels yet. Of course he keeps saying no, lol. Anyway, I was sitting next to him on the bed, holding his hand, and then he woke up and looked at me and said, "I saw an angel. It was you."
Yesterday we had a huge disaster at the hospital. I'm too tired to go into details at the moment, but suffice to say that people in general are blindingly incompetent; they performed the wrong procedure, and then almost killed him with twice as much insulin as he should have taken if he had been eating in the past four days. Let me tell you, you don't want to be the surgeon who fucked up and walk into a room with me, my cousin and my mother with a smug look on your face where my Grandfather in concerned.
One thing you have to know about my Grandpa is he's pretty skeptical about the afterlife - he's said several times that the only place he thinks he's going is to Whitmire Cemetary. Of course, Mom and I believe in some form of the afterlife, so we've been describing how we think it will be to him, and also how we think it won't be, and Mom's been asking if he's seen any angels yet. Of course he keeps saying no, lol. Anyway, I was sitting next to him on the bed, holding his hand, and then he woke up and looked at me and said, "I saw an angel. It was you."
Quick Update
Jun. 1st, 2006 07:45 pmSo I'm okay right now. Grandpa says something that makes me cry several times every day, but by and large, I'm all right. I really appreciate all the people who have called, posted, commented, etc with condolences and everything - thanks to all of you, I'm sure I'll be fine when it's all over. It's just so hard right now, because both he and the rest of us know that every day he's worse. I mean, we've known he's had cancer for 10 days now, and he's already so bad that he can barely get out of bed. He eats next to nothing, and throws half of it up. As more fluid builds in his stomach, he eats and drinks even less. And he's sleeping more and more, which is a sign of descent.
We can't decide whether we want to have a visitation or not. Aunt Bette says that we need to give people the opportunity to pay their respects, but Mom and I know that the two of us will just sit and cry ourselves sick, and that's no fun. Grandpa wouldn't want that. I told him I wanted to cancel to schedule for the summer and he absolutely refused. He would not let me. He certainly wouldn't want me or anyone sitting in a pew staring at a casket for several hours. It might kill me, and I'm not kidding.
Today, Amy and I helped him into his bed for a nap, and he took my arm, choked up and said, "I'm sorry I won't be at your wedding." Of course I couldn't help but break down too. He remembered that once (more than once, actually) I had told him that I would be brokenhearted if he didn't live long enough to see me get married. At that time, he had said something about getting ready to die so I'd better get cracking, but it was all in good fun then. He's been saying he was going to die any day now for just about as long as I can remember. But now he really is going to die any day now. It really broke my heart that I had said that once and he remembered it now. I told him that I'd look for him there anyway, and he said he'd still be there. So, many many years from now, if anyone reading this is at my wedding, everyone look for a sign of the paranormal. Because my Grandpa promised he'd be there, and he's never broken a promise to me.
We can't decide whether we want to have a visitation or not. Aunt Bette says that we need to give people the opportunity to pay their respects, but Mom and I know that the two of us will just sit and cry ourselves sick, and that's no fun. Grandpa wouldn't want that. I told him I wanted to cancel to schedule for the summer and he absolutely refused. He would not let me. He certainly wouldn't want me or anyone sitting in a pew staring at a casket for several hours. It might kill me, and I'm not kidding.
Today, Amy and I helped him into his bed for a nap, and he took my arm, choked up and said, "I'm sorry I won't be at your wedding." Of course I couldn't help but break down too. He remembered that once (more than once, actually) I had told him that I would be brokenhearted if he didn't live long enough to see me get married. At that time, he had said something about getting ready to die so I'd better get cracking, but it was all in good fun then. He's been saying he was going to die any day now for just about as long as I can remember. But now he really is going to die any day now. It really broke my heart that I had said that once and he remembered it now. I told him that I'd look for him there anyway, and he said he'd still be there. So, many many years from now, if anyone reading this is at my wedding, everyone look for a sign of the paranormal. Because my Grandpa promised he'd be there, and he's never broken a promise to me.
The Cancer Entry
May. 28th, 2006 07:50 amI never thought we would be one of the familes with cancer. Let alone one of those families with serious cancer. "Extremely aggressive," in Dr. Greene's words. And I never thought that of all the things that might take my Grandpa away from me, it would be cancer.
Grandpa hadn't been feeling well for a week or so. He couldn't eat, felt nauseated, and his stomach was bloated. On Monday he had had blood drawn because he got a new doctor, so on Thursday my Mom called to see if there was anything on his blood work to explain why he wasn't feeling well. They said his liver values were extremely elevated, and wanted to get him in for a CAT scan. So on Friday, we took him to the hospital and had a CAT scan. While we were sitting in the waiting room, a cute little old lady in a walker started talking to the nurse about how she had named her cancer Hortense. I turned to Grandpa and whispered it to him and we giggled, and I thought, 'Thank God we don't have those kind of problems.'
Next, they we went and saw Dr. Greene, our general practitioner while we waited for the scan results to come in. Dr. Greene pressed on his stomach, asked how he felt, blah blah, and asked us not to leave before the scan came in. So we waited about an hour and a half, and then he came back. He opened the door and said, "I've got news for you, and it's not good." The thought that passed through my mind was, 'How bad can it really be?' And then he said some more stuff, the only bit that I remember is, "...extremely aggressive cancer that has taken over most of the liver, and parts of the lungs... blood test from January was clean, so it's extremely fast-moving..."
I just can't get over how someone who sees 2 doctors a week could be completely overrun by cancer. Just Monday the new doctor said that he was in perfect health, except for the diabetes, which is a constant struggle. My Grandpa is just about the most important person in the world to me, and I wasn't ready for this. I mean, with his diabetes as bad as it is, I was always half-prepared for the worst, but I also half-expected him to live another 20 years, like his mother did. And I never, ever expected this. It's just so unbelievable. He's never been a drinker. Never smoked in his entire life. Never dipped, or even enjoyed a cigar. And he's got cancer, and it's going to kill him.
My Grandpa has always been one of my favorite people. I've always been super-attached to my Mom, but Grandpa was always my favorite. He was always my playmate when we'd go visiting, and had never-ending patience with me. He always put me first, never had anything else that he had to do. We'd play pretend games in the car to keep me entertained, and he'd tell me stories from his youth (we called them Long Ago and Far Aways, as in, "Grandpa, tell me a Long Ago and Far Away." "Okay. Long Ago and Far Away, when I was a little boy..."). When I was about 7 and I had a rock-collecting phase, he had pretty broken glass tumbled so the edges weren't sharp, and he'd give me a pretty pouch of it every time I went to see him. We used to sit in the floor and color together, or build with blocks. In the mountains, where there was NOTHING for a little kid to do by herself, he'd make up games to keep me entertained, or we'd walk up the the spring and make mud pies together. And he'd never get bored with me and try to talk me into going back to the house - he always waited until I was done playing, would just sit on his rock and wait for me to get bored and want to do something else. Whenever he went somewhere, he'd bring me back a present. We watched "The Sound of Music" and "The Wizard of Oz" together over and over.
I can't believe this is how it's going to be.
Grandpa hadn't been feeling well for a week or so. He couldn't eat, felt nauseated, and his stomach was bloated. On Monday he had had blood drawn because he got a new doctor, so on Thursday my Mom called to see if there was anything on his blood work to explain why he wasn't feeling well. They said his liver values were extremely elevated, and wanted to get him in for a CAT scan. So on Friday, we took him to the hospital and had a CAT scan. While we were sitting in the waiting room, a cute little old lady in a walker started talking to the nurse about how she had named her cancer Hortense. I turned to Grandpa and whispered it to him and we giggled, and I thought, 'Thank God we don't have those kind of problems.'
Next, they we went and saw Dr. Greene, our general practitioner while we waited for the scan results to come in. Dr. Greene pressed on his stomach, asked how he felt, blah blah, and asked us not to leave before the scan came in. So we waited about an hour and a half, and then he came back. He opened the door and said, "I've got news for you, and it's not good." The thought that passed through my mind was, 'How bad can it really be?' And then he said some more stuff, the only bit that I remember is, "...extremely aggressive cancer that has taken over most of the liver, and parts of the lungs... blood test from January was clean, so it's extremely fast-moving..."
I just can't get over how someone who sees 2 doctors a week could be completely overrun by cancer. Just Monday the new doctor said that he was in perfect health, except for the diabetes, which is a constant struggle. My Grandpa is just about the most important person in the world to me, and I wasn't ready for this. I mean, with his diabetes as bad as it is, I was always half-prepared for the worst, but I also half-expected him to live another 20 years, like his mother did. And I never, ever expected this. It's just so unbelievable. He's never been a drinker. Never smoked in his entire life. Never dipped, or even enjoyed a cigar. And he's got cancer, and it's going to kill him.
My Grandpa has always been one of my favorite people. I've always been super-attached to my Mom, but Grandpa was always my favorite. He was always my playmate when we'd go visiting, and had never-ending patience with me. He always put me first, never had anything else that he had to do. We'd play pretend games in the car to keep me entertained, and he'd tell me stories from his youth (we called them Long Ago and Far Aways, as in, "Grandpa, tell me a Long Ago and Far Away." "Okay. Long Ago and Far Away, when I was a little boy..."). When I was about 7 and I had a rock-collecting phase, he had pretty broken glass tumbled so the edges weren't sharp, and he'd give me a pretty pouch of it every time I went to see him. We used to sit in the floor and color together, or build with blocks. In the mountains, where there was NOTHING for a little kid to do by herself, he'd make up games to keep me entertained, or we'd walk up the the spring and make mud pies together. And he'd never get bored with me and try to talk me into going back to the house - he always waited until I was done playing, would just sit on his rock and wait for me to get bored and want to do something else. Whenever he went somewhere, he'd bring me back a present. We watched "The Sound of Music" and "The Wizard of Oz" together over and over.
I can't believe this is how it's going to be.
ashlee simpson review.
May. 8th, 2006 12:50 pmYes, I have an Ashlee Simpson CD. And a burned copy of her second CD. And I enjoy them quite a bit. But that doesn't negate the fact that we went into this concent thing with only the expectation of making fun of Ashlee and her 16-year-old fans. In that sense, we weren't disappointed.
Oh, the way the kids dressed. We can't say much because we intentionally dressed the same way, but it was too funny. Kids thinking they're punk going to an Ashlee Simpson concert. I'll never forget the tiny little girl with pink streaks in her hair and pink cowboy boots. She was precious.
Anyway, so we got there relatively late, at least later than we had planned, so we were in a pretty good line for about an hour, but the doors opened on time which was a pretty big shock. We got onto the floor, about 6 rows of people from the stage, and then we stood around and waited for about another hour (I ate an over-priced hot dog. It was really good, though). Finally what we assumed was her opening act came onstage with his acoustic guitar and played a few songs for us. We liked him, gave him two thumbs up as a cross between John Mayer and Justin Timberlake (at least he's original). Then we waited about another half hour before Ashlee Simpson came out and started to play. It was then we realized that her opening act was her keyboardist, which is such a John Mayer thing to do (David Ryan Harris, anyone? Lol). First off, we decided that she has definately had a nose job. And we were shocked at how tiny she is. So short, to start with, and then teeny teeny tiny. Like this big around, and her arms were so small. So we had fun singing and dancing along, but we determined that it couldn't have been coincidence that her mic was turned down so low that you couldn't really hear her above the backup singers and drums. And she and the band were trying SO HARD to make the music sound hardcore that if she weren't singing the lyrics, we wouldn't even have been able to tell which songs they were playing. Furthermore, the only song she even tried to change the arrangement on was "LaLa," and it definately didn't work. It was like a cross between polka and cabaret, and impossible to sing along with. Somewhere in the middle she starts talking about introducing her band, and we expect to hear their names and maybe some solos, but she just goes backstage and leaves them to continue playing for a couple minutes, which we thought was kind of weird. Then, when we thought the concert was about half over, she just said her thank-yous and left the stage (rather abruptly, actually). A second later she came out and sang one more song, and then as quickly as she had appeared, vanished again. She only sang about 8 songs! She only played for around an hour and 10 minutes! We were out of there by 9:45! We were a little shocked at how short the concert turned out to be.
Nevertheless, we had a good time. And there were plenty of kids to make fun of. Okay, so we're mean people.
PS - Staff meeting is on Thursday and I still haven't learned my material. I'm screwed.
Oh, the way the kids dressed. We can't say much because we intentionally dressed the same way, but it was too funny. Kids thinking they're punk going to an Ashlee Simpson concert. I'll never forget the tiny little girl with pink streaks in her hair and pink cowboy boots. She was precious.
Anyway, so we got there relatively late, at least later than we had planned, so we were in a pretty good line for about an hour, but the doors opened on time which was a pretty big shock. We got onto the floor, about 6 rows of people from the stage, and then we stood around and waited for about another hour (I ate an over-priced hot dog. It was really good, though). Finally what we assumed was her opening act came onstage with his acoustic guitar and played a few songs for us. We liked him, gave him two thumbs up as a cross between John Mayer and Justin Timberlake (at least he's original). Then we waited about another half hour before Ashlee Simpson came out and started to play. It was then we realized that her opening act was her keyboardist, which is such a John Mayer thing to do (David Ryan Harris, anyone? Lol). First off, we decided that she has definately had a nose job. And we were shocked at how tiny she is. So short, to start with, and then teeny teeny tiny. Like this big around, and her arms were so small. So we had fun singing and dancing along, but we determined that it couldn't have been coincidence that her mic was turned down so low that you couldn't really hear her above the backup singers and drums. And she and the band were trying SO HARD to make the music sound hardcore that if she weren't singing the lyrics, we wouldn't even have been able to tell which songs they were playing. Furthermore, the only song she even tried to change the arrangement on was "LaLa," and it definately didn't work. It was like a cross between polka and cabaret, and impossible to sing along with. Somewhere in the middle she starts talking about introducing her band, and we expect to hear their names and maybe some solos, but she just goes backstage and leaves them to continue playing for a couple minutes, which we thought was kind of weird. Then, when we thought the concert was about half over, she just said her thank-yous and left the stage (rather abruptly, actually). A second later she came out and sang one more song, and then as quickly as she had appeared, vanished again. She only sang about 8 songs! She only played for around an hour and 10 minutes! We were out of there by 9:45! We were a little shocked at how short the concert turned out to be.
Nevertheless, we had a good time. And there were plenty of kids to make fun of. Okay, so we're mean people.
PS - Staff meeting is on Thursday and I still haven't learned my material. I'm screwed.
of concerts and jensen.
May. 6th, 2006 02:22 pmI'm getting photoshop! I'm getting photoshop! Can I just tell you how excited I am? I'm gonna be an artist! I can't wait until it gets here... it's probably going to be so hard to learn. But I'm super-excited. Thank God it won't be here until after staff weekend because I have about 4 days left to learn the DVD, and I know exactly 3 cheers and 1 1/2 8-counts of one of the 4 dances I'm supposed to know. I'm afraid. But I do this every year. I never know the material before staff meeting, and then every staff meeting I'm so embarrassed and uncomfortable that I swear I'm going to learn it super-early for the next year. And then I always get my DVD 2 weeks before staff meeting and I can't find the time to do it. But I always know my material by the time I have to teach camp, and that's really what matters.
The season finale of 'Supernatural' was pretty intense. Jensen's acting was beyond stellar. I don't want to go all fangirl on everyone, though, so I'll leave it at that. <Spoiler> When he was lying in the floor, all bloody and broken, begging Sam not to kill their father, I just wanted to hold him and say, "Poor Dean, just don't look," because I was definately jumping up and down in my living room, screaming at Sam to just do it and quit hesitating. But, unfortunately, he didn't. So the demon got away, and I'm sure we'll see him next season, assuming we get another season ::fingers crossed:: I really don't like Jeffrey Dean Morgan's acting as their father, John, so I was kinda glad that Sam had the opportunity to kill the demon and John in one fell swoop, and man was I pissed at him when he couldn't pull the trigger. So then Sam's taking his father and brother to the hospital, and all of a sudden they're smashed into by a semi. It was quite a shock. The truck hit the Impala on John's side, so there may be hope after all that he won't return next season. I'm much more upset that the Impala, Dean's precious, glorious, beautiful car is completely totaled! Dean's going to be devastated when he regains consciousness.
I was, however, really impressed and excited that they mentioned The Key of Solomon in this episode, which is an actual ancient magical text! Eric Kripke (the creator/head writer) has always said that he wants the show to showcase phenomena that actually exists in our universe, things you can get online and google, and I was so pleased that he used The Key, which is known among occultists as a very powerful and ancient grimoire, to illustrate how knowledgable Bobby was. </Spoiler>
So in other news... we're going to see Ashlee Simpson tomorrow night! I know, kind of embarrassing - you're thinking, 'why would you announce that publicly?' But you have to admit, her music's fun, and we're dressing all tacky and pseudo-rockstar, and we're going to sing along and dance with all the 14-year-old posers. It's going to rock the house. Be prepared for photos, and maybe even an Ashlee concert t-shirt. We'll see.
The season finale of 'Supernatural' was pretty intense. Jensen's acting was beyond stellar. I don't want to go all fangirl on everyone, though, so I'll leave it at that. <Spoiler> When he was lying in the floor, all bloody and broken, begging Sam not to kill their father, I just wanted to hold him and say, "Poor Dean, just don't look," because I was definately jumping up and down in my living room, screaming at Sam to just do it and quit hesitating. But, unfortunately, he didn't. So the demon got away, and I'm sure we'll see him next season, assuming we get another season ::fingers crossed:: I really don't like Jeffrey Dean Morgan's acting as their father, John, so I was kinda glad that Sam had the opportunity to kill the demon and John in one fell swoop, and man was I pissed at him when he couldn't pull the trigger. So then Sam's taking his father and brother to the hospital, and all of a sudden they're smashed into by a semi. It was quite a shock. The truck hit the Impala on John's side, so there may be hope after all that he won't return next season. I'm much more upset that the Impala, Dean's precious, glorious, beautiful car is completely totaled! Dean's going to be devastated when he regains consciousness.
I was, however, really impressed and excited that they mentioned The Key of Solomon in this episode, which is an actual ancient magical text! Eric Kripke (the creator/head writer) has always said that he wants the show to showcase phenomena that actually exists in our universe, things you can get online and google, and I was so pleased that he used The Key, which is known among occultists as a very powerful and ancient grimoire, to illustrate how knowledgable Bobby was. </Spoiler>
So in other news... we're going to see Ashlee Simpson tomorrow night! I know, kind of embarrassing - you're thinking, 'why would you announce that publicly?' But you have to admit, her music's fun, and we're dressing all tacky and pseudo-rockstar, and we're going to sing along and dance with all the 14-year-old posers. It's going to rock the house. Be prepared for photos, and maybe even an Ashlee concert t-shirt. We'll see.
perfection
May. 1st, 2006 08:17 pmIsn't it amazing how places from your childhood just seem so... perfect? I don't know what it was, but I was just sitting here, reading a book, and I had a flash--a sudden memory--of my grandparents' house in North Carolina. Instead of saying, "we're going to Grandma's house," we always referred to it as "going to the mountains," so that in my universe The Mountains is a very specific place. A place with specific smells and feelings. My memory wasn't of anything in particular, just of how it looked to be lying on the grass in front of Kim's cabin and looking up at the way the sun filters through the leaves, how the grass and earth and wildflowers smell. I miss it. I can see us, me and my cousins, like it's a movie-- little girls running through the woods, climbing the trees and walking the trails that were, and are still, so familiar that we could do it backwards and in our sleep. There are the rocks up above Pat's house where we pretended we were riding horses, the trees by my Grandma's that have our names carved into them (and the stump I landed on when I fell out of my tree, still there), Kim's cabin that no one but us girls ever used, the narrow, steep and winding trail that led to the dam and the lake up the mountain - a hidden fairyland. I miss when we used to walk down to Miss Jackie's house and play in the stream in her back yard (it was so cold!), and afterward, we would always knock on her door and ask for a glass of water. And she was always happy to give it to us. Miss Jackie died years ago. I miss how on the drive up it was easy to pretend that no one was able to follow through the mountain passes, and once we reached the gap, I was surrounded by a safe wall of earth that no one else would be able to negotiate. I miss the way the house used to smell - yeah, it was a little damp, so it had an earthy smell, and then there was the smell of oatmeal, because that's what Grandma always cooked for breakfast. And coffee. And the smell that I still associate with my Grandpa but still can't identify. And Dial soap, because that's what he washes his hands with. And Noxzema. And the green, leafy smell from the open windows. Maybe I just miss being a little girl. Or maybe I just miss my grandparents. Or my cousins, whom I haven't seen in a long time. I want my little girls to spend their summers there with their cousins, playing in the dirt and catching salamanders. I'm tired, and I want to go to the mountains, and I want it to be like it was then.
If you remember The Moffatts, go (here) and listen to "Perilously Here." Both the other songs are pretty good too, but "Perilously Here" is AMAZING. So I misjudged Scott - apparently the excessive drinking and pot-smoking hasn't totally ruined his creativity.
I will be buying the CD when it's made available.
Next topic: I had the hardest time going to sleep last night. I went to see "Silent Hill" after work with the girls because I had a free ticket and it's been ages since we saw a movie. Typically, I'm fine with movie gore and stuff because I can easily reconcile the fact that it isn't real blood, but this movie put some of the worst images into my head. I have a really strong stomach anyway, but I literally felt ill at some parts of this film (Caution: Spoiler coming). There's a scene where a woman is held over a fire and we see her entire death sequence, down to melting fabric and bubbling skin, and the worst part is that they made sure we knew that a little girl was watching her die and being traumatized. (Okay, spoilers over). I also wasn't aware that it is based on a video game, because if I had known that, I would have used my free ticket on something else. The movie made absoltely no sense, and I hate it when I walk out of the theater having no idea what the hell just happened. So FYI, there is completely unnecessary gore and blood and images of horrifying bodily harm in this movie. And the monstery-creature things were definately the scariest things I have ever seen in movies. But the movie itself was horrible. Bad acting, bad writing. Don't waste your money.
I will be buying the CD when it's made available.
Next topic: I had the hardest time going to sleep last night. I went to see "Silent Hill" after work with the girls because I had a free ticket and it's been ages since we saw a movie. Typically, I'm fine with movie gore and stuff because I can easily reconcile the fact that it isn't real blood, but this movie put some of the worst images into my head. I have a really strong stomach anyway, but I literally felt ill at some parts of this film (Caution: Spoiler coming). There's a scene where a woman is held over a fire and we see her entire death sequence, down to melting fabric and bubbling skin, and the worst part is that they made sure we knew that a little girl was watching her die and being traumatized. (Okay, spoilers over). I also wasn't aware that it is based on a video game, because if I had known that, I would have used my free ticket on something else. The movie made absoltely no sense, and I hate it when I walk out of the theater having no idea what the hell just happened. So FYI, there is completely unnecessary gore and blood and images of horrifying bodily harm in this movie. And the monstery-creature things were definately the scariest things I have ever seen in movies. But the movie itself was horrible. Bad acting, bad writing. Don't waste your money.
I wrote a story, I wrote a story! It's certainly not the best piece of prose I've even penned (I couldn't resist the alliteration there, sorry), but at least I wrote it! It was great! It was just coming out of me, like I wasn't even doing anything but typing, like the old days! I didn't even have to think! I just saw it playing in my head, like a movie, and then there it was on the computer screen!
Unfortunately, I was writing at work and I got interrupted several times, so it feels a little choppy to me. But I don't care! I'm just so thrilled to have written something! Even though it's not very good, I'm going to be putting it up at the (Winchester Journals Archive), so if you won't criticize me too much, feel free to go read and tell me what you think. I'd like some real feedback.
It also occurs to me that not everyone is as obsessed with 'Supernatural' as I am. So, I'll give you a brief run-down: Sam and Dean are brothers, whose mother was murdered when they were children by 'something' unexplainable (we don't know why yet). After her death, their father nearly went mad with grief and trained the boys to fight and kill anything evil and/or supernatural, and they set off hunting the murderer, travelling the country with their father John for most of their lives. Sam and John never got along and there was friction leading up to a big fight where Sam wanted to go to college and John didn't want him to go because it wasn't safe for him to be alone. Sam went, and had just graduated when John disappeared (we later find out that he went to hunt the murderer demon alone because he didn't want to see his children get hurt). Dean goes to Stanford to get Sam and (long story short), Sam's girlfriend Jessica, the love of his life, ends up murdered by the same demon in a fire, and Sam is pulled out of the burning house by Dean. Now they're travelling the country looking for their Dad, the demon, and anything else that happens to be evil.
Dean has always been a cocky, swaggering, womanizing guy, but this is because he's basically insecure. All he wants is his family back together, he doesn't care how. Sam is intellegent, sensitive and emotional, and easily makes friends and forms relationships. He hopes for the family to be back together, but is realistic and knows that his views and John's views will never mesh. He and John can't spend an hour together without screaming at one another, breaking down and talking about their grief, or both. This is such a realistically disfuntional family. I love it.
For a better or more in-depth synopsis, (read this).
While I'm on a link-roll here, why don't you go to (this page) and read this wonderful piece that I didn't write, which operates under the pretense that Dean saved Jessica from the fire and not Sam. Can I tell you again how good it is?
PS - My userpic is the beautiful Dean, AKA Jensen Ackles. My new husband. Scary, me? What?
Unfortunately, I was writing at work and I got interrupted several times, so it feels a little choppy to me. But I don't care! I'm just so thrilled to have written something! Even though it's not very good, I'm going to be putting it up at the (Winchester Journals Archive), so if you won't criticize me too much, feel free to go read and tell me what you think. I'd like some real feedback.
It also occurs to me that not everyone is as obsessed with 'Supernatural' as I am. So, I'll give you a brief run-down: Sam and Dean are brothers, whose mother was murdered when they were children by 'something' unexplainable (we don't know why yet). After her death, their father nearly went mad with grief and trained the boys to fight and kill anything evil and/or supernatural, and they set off hunting the murderer, travelling the country with their father John for most of their lives. Sam and John never got along and there was friction leading up to a big fight where Sam wanted to go to college and John didn't want him to go because it wasn't safe for him to be alone. Sam went, and had just graduated when John disappeared (we later find out that he went to hunt the murderer demon alone because he didn't want to see his children get hurt). Dean goes to Stanford to get Sam and (long story short), Sam's girlfriend Jessica, the love of his life, ends up murdered by the same demon in a fire, and Sam is pulled out of the burning house by Dean. Now they're travelling the country looking for their Dad, the demon, and anything else that happens to be evil.
Dean has always been a cocky, swaggering, womanizing guy, but this is because he's basically insecure. All he wants is his family back together, he doesn't care how. Sam is intellegent, sensitive and emotional, and easily makes friends and forms relationships. He hopes for the family to be back together, but is realistic and knows that his views and John's views will never mesh. He and John can't spend an hour together without screaming at one another, breaking down and talking about their grief, or both. This is such a realistically disfuntional family. I love it.
For a better or more in-depth synopsis, (read this).
While I'm on a link-roll here, why don't you go to (this page) and read this wonderful piece that I didn't write, which operates under the pretense that Dean saved Jessica from the fire and not Sam. Can I tell you again how good it is?
PS - My userpic is the beautiful Dean, AKA Jensen Ackles. My new husband. Scary, me? What?
writer's block
Apr. 19th, 2006 09:35 pmI've been reading a lot of fanfiction lately in keeping with my current new obsession, "Supernatural," (and because I get really bored at work), and it has made me realize how rusty my writing has actually gotten. I wrote a short speculative fanfic and sent it in to a good site, and then upon rereading it, especially in comparison with all the others ones that are up there, decided that I really need some practice. It needed editing, and badly. I remember the days when I would write several pieces a day, and anything from a picture to a song to someone else's idea would inspire me. Now, I have no good ideas, and even when I have a good one, I can't get it onto paper the way it plays in my head and reads like a high school creative writing assignment.
And here's another thing: you know what really irks me? Slash. Maybe guy-on-guy turns some people on, but I think it's icky. And the only thing worse than general slash is Supernatural slash, commonly called "Wincest" because the characters are 2 brothers whose last name is Winchester. Why would you ever fantasize about two brothers? That's in such bad taste. And it completely freaks me out.
And here's another thing: you know what really irks me? Slash. Maybe guy-on-guy turns some people on, but I think it's icky. And the only thing worse than general slash is Supernatural slash, commonly called "Wincest" because the characters are 2 brothers whose last name is Winchester. Why would you ever fantasize about two brothers? That's in such bad taste. And it completely freaks me out.
naming the cat
Apr. 17th, 2006 06:12 pmPatty, you should probably skip this entry.
I'm so afraid of graduating. I know, who isn't, but I'm so scared that I won't make it. It? What's it, how can you not make it? I don't know. All I know is that I'm looking for the place where the rest of my life is going to be - have been looking for a couple years now - and the fact that my exit from college is drawing so near really scares the hell out of me because I have no real plan. If my little general plan doesn't work out, what am I going to do with my life? What if I don't get married before I'm 30? I'm sure the salary I'm hoping I'll get at NCA isn't going to be enough to support me, or the life I want to lead. What if I fall in love with someone who can't support me? What if I have to be a working mom? I don't want to be a working mom. That's not how I wanted it to be.
I keep moving around, looking for the right place. I guess what I'm looking for is peace, as cliche as that sounds. Like in "Boys on the Side," when they get to Tucson, and the three of them are all living in this big house, all safe and warm and dry; isolated, wide-open, but you don't ever feel like you're all alone. There's this song by Tori Amos that I love to listen to when I'm feeling particularly lost... it's got this western-sounding bridge section, and the way it makes me feel when I hear it... The truth is that going out west, to Texas or California, is partially appealing to me because I hope I can find a place that makes me feel the way that song makes me feel.
Just had a Holly Golightly moment, didn't I? "If I could find a real place that felt like Tiffany's... why I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!"
I'm so afraid of graduating. I know, who isn't, but I'm so scared that I won't make it. It? What's it, how can you not make it? I don't know. All I know is that I'm looking for the place where the rest of my life is going to be - have been looking for a couple years now - and the fact that my exit from college is drawing so near really scares the hell out of me because I have no real plan. If my little general plan doesn't work out, what am I going to do with my life? What if I don't get married before I'm 30? I'm sure the salary I'm hoping I'll get at NCA isn't going to be enough to support me, or the life I want to lead. What if I fall in love with someone who can't support me? What if I have to be a working mom? I don't want to be a working mom. That's not how I wanted it to be.
I keep moving around, looking for the right place. I guess what I'm looking for is peace, as cliche as that sounds. Like in "Boys on the Side," when they get to Tucson, and the three of them are all living in this big house, all safe and warm and dry; isolated, wide-open, but you don't ever feel like you're all alone. There's this song by Tori Amos that I love to listen to when I'm feeling particularly lost... it's got this western-sounding bridge section, and the way it makes me feel when I hear it... The truth is that going out west, to Texas or California, is partially appealing to me because I hope I can find a place that makes me feel the way that song makes me feel.
Just had a Holly Golightly moment, didn't I? "If I could find a real place that felt like Tiffany's... why I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!"
new journal
Apr. 16th, 2006 05:32 pmJust got my journal. New day, new hobby.
Was drunk last night. Had a good time with Patty on the front porch dissing Zach and his loserness for not showing up to the party. Only 4 shots of Jose and I was set for a good 4 or 5 hours... it's good to be a lightweight.
Dreading staff meeting. Trying to think of an excuse to play hookey. Jury duty?
Can't wait for Tuesday, payday, and Thursday - end of finals week and new episode of 'Supernatural.' I need to write more, and edit before I send them in to hosts. Mental note made.
Was drunk last night. Had a good time with Patty on the front porch dissing Zach and his loserness for not showing up to the party. Only 4 shots of Jose and I was set for a good 4 or 5 hours... it's good to be a lightweight.
Dreading staff meeting. Trying to think of an excuse to play hookey. Jury duty?
Can't wait for Tuesday, payday, and Thursday - end of finals week and new episode of 'Supernatural.' I need to write more, and edit before I send them in to hosts. Mental note made.